This is the Stronghold Falckenstein.

The castle lord, Gero of Falck
 is owner of this castle in fourth generation and he makes a
living as a pacific robber baron who couldn't do harm to anybody...

But once - on the occasion of celebrating the wedding of virginal Brunhilde
Lionsmouth with her cousin (second degree) Dankwart of Lionshill (everybody
has secret thoghts about HIS virginity but nobody would ever vocalize
them...) - well, on this occasion Gero unmindfully said a word about the
bride's nose. It could be... eventually... maybe that her nose was a little
long.. perhaps.. by God's never-failing will.
The bride's father, Giesbert Lionsmouth heard this words, and he threw the
gauntlet to Gero's feet. Well, he had aimed at Gero's face, but Giesbert was
a little drunken already.

Gero understood the message and he hurried to his castle and called: "Up the
brigde!"

After sunrise one could see how wise this command had been: [picture: besiegers]

It seemd as if Giesbert and Dankwart had prepared for this campaign before.
How else could it be that the guys were ready with their stuff and staff so
shortly?

[picture: ram and catapult]

Potz fickerment! (defies translation *g*) The encased could have be most
REALLY affraid in view of the heavy war equipment (Kriegsgeraet) their foes
brought along.

But thank Godness! The ancient ram didn't help Giesbert's grandfather to
conquer the Strongholt Falckenstein in the past (due to lack of space in
front of the gate), so it wouldn't help NOW, either.

Also the catapult (the onager) didn't prove very useful. It just didn't
work. The ingenious engineer John George Charcoalburner [that's me...]
seemed not to have paid much attention at ballistics; anyway, none of the
hurled boulders broke down the castlewall or even approximated...

This is why the encased didn't fear for their lives. As long as the chickens
lay eggs enough and the cook has sufficient (enough?) gruehnkohl and
sauerkraut in stock they would survive. Though... having the choice between
gruenkohl and sauerkraut.... If need be they could slaughter the steeds...

The castlewalls whereas are firm and solid, anscalable. Nothing to worry about.

Nevertheless, because he could think of years with nothing to eat than
gruenkohl and sauerkraut with shudder only, Gero asked his young daughter
Kunigund (German maidens allways are called "Kunigund") to write a letter to
his old fellow Worislaus of Dunnowhereanymore in Bohemia withe the appeal
for relief.

So the maiden discontinued her work at the spinning wheel (what else
"Kunigundes" shall do the whole day if not to spin...?) and wrote the
requested letter (because she's the only resident of Falckenstein who's
master of writing and reading) and then sent the fastest carrier pigeon.

Too late! Giesbert and Dankwart didn't want to siege for long but aimed to
force an issue.

First the Lionssoldiers stormed the brigdetower without any problems. But
then they had to reach the barricaded maingate. On this way they bareley
could survive the spears and arrows hailing down from the pinnacles and out
of the embrasures [my dictionary suggested this word].

The few who reached the gate were awaited by a shower from boiling pitch.
(Notice the hole downright the foremost Falcon Knight. It's not the sheer
enjoyment to stand below such a hole, and there are many holes like this
along the cordon.)

To cut a long story short (because time is up and I've reached the picture
limit): The Stronghold Falckenstein withstood.
Giesbert and Dankwart took flight after this Waterloo that brought most of
their men to death, and they never ever tried again to conquer Falcenstein
Castle.

And Maid Kunigund? Was she married with a noble prince? Arr, it's not a
Belville fairy tale!

[last picture]

So this time Gero toasted with his castellan Diether of Wurzelbach because
Falckenstein could resist the assault."

++ The end ++

© 2001, 2002 Johannes 'Jojo' Koehler

See also:
http://www.1000steine.de/themen/bauwettbewerb/057/057.htm